The controversy sets in when we realize that when we meet death we feel most alive. Just think about it. We feel the most when encountering the mere possibility, or factual reality of death. Be it our own or someone else’s that touches our heart on a deep level.
What does it mean to feel the most? It means we clearly see values of life and that of humanity as it was designed to be by nature.
An inevitable factor in such moments is that we completely pause. We pause and allow ourselves to feel with all our senses. We feel the soothing coolness of the grass under our feet, we hear baby birds chirping in nests calling for food, we see the ever bright colors of flowers in front of the house and taste salt from the ocean breeze. All is incredibly intensified and fills our hearts with joy and endless love for life and others.
Rarely did I hear that we get into our heads and polarize ourselves over money, status, and political opinions. We truly connect to self and other living beings in the most purest form, and unconditionally.
Seeing a possible end of life certainly brings about our own reflections of our life lived thus far. Being a parent of a special needs child is incredibly difficult and is filled with decisions about the course of care for our children. But in the moment of death, we value physical presence and connection the most. A parent would not take the child to two more therapists, or persist on saying “Please” and “Thank you”, or eating with fingers instead of utensils. All these things seem funnily meaningless. We access our innate capacity to be fully present and deeply connected.
How come it is so hard to access this clarity as we live our lives but comes naturally when we encounter death?
An escalating trend in our society reinforces physical separation from our children as we send them to schools and therapies; and secondly establishes disconnection as we suppress our own opinions and entrust our children to others as the new norm. As we think about our lives on Earth driven by societal values and expectations which we have heavily adapted, there is no doubt in my mind that it is us, people who are increasingly on the way to blur our vision and close the access to our innate capacity to be fully present and deeply connected.
We all have a different relationship with death. However negative this word and its meaning might be for us at the moment, I invite everyone to pause right now, and use the light of death to point us back to life.
As a course creator and practitioner working with parents with special needs children and the children themselves, I talk about a deep, pure connection very often. In fact, it is a core condition for a positive brain change I coach parents to recognize and use.